Today I made chicken noddle soup/stew from scratch. It's one of my favorite foods, and now that I load it up with a lot more chicken than I used to, my husband likes it too.
Today, I made a mistake while cooking. Maybe it wasn't a mistake. I don't know. That's why I'm phobic.
While I was waiting for the chicken thighs to cook, I pre-cut most of the vegetables, and then decided to start cleaning up the kitchen until I was ready to cut up the herbs and the potato. Eventually I took out the garbage, and then wiped the can with a Lysol wipe--the ones that are ammonia-based--the ones that say "Hazard to Humans" on the bottle. I still have a roll, so I use them to wipe down doorknobs and garbage cans on occasion. So, after I completed this task, I wiped the doorknobs, and then washed my hands. In the past, I used to wear gloves when I used Lysol Wipes, since it said on the very bottle that they were a hazard to humans and that hands should be washed after handling them, but I'm trying to work on exposing myself to the things that I fear, so I thought I'd use them, and then wash my hands. I've done this successfully in the recent past. Today, however, after I did this, it was time to cut the herbs, and the potato, so I proceeded to do so. As I was cutting, I started to wonder if my hands were COMEPLETELY clean. What if I didn't do a good job washing all of the hazardous-to-humans Lysol off? What if I'm rubbing Lysol on my potato via my not-washed-well-enough hands? Alas I again decided to face my fear, and I continued on with the vegetables, and finished the soup. Then, I started to eat the soup because I was so hungry, but after a few spoons took the edge off, I was terrified to eat the rest of it. This path was familiar to me. Start eating, get afraid, stop eating, starve, get dizzy, try to sleep, become unsuccessful at sleeping because I am hungery. In order to stop the cycle, I have to force myself to eat, despite my fear. So, I ate almost the entire bowl of soup. And then I waited. When my husband came home I relayed the entire story to him, and he said that the soup was fine, and then he ate a bowl. So then I finished mine. I am now terrified. I have a headache. Is it from the stress, or the soup? How long do I have to wait until I know that we are safe?
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3 years ago
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1 comment:
You're not alone. I have a huge fear of food poisoning. It's awful. Last week I made turkey meatloaf for my family, then had an anxiety attack that the bacteria from the meat could get into my bloodstream through my hands because i bite my cuticles. I then proceeded to have an anxiety attack in front of company.
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