Everyblock Chicago

I just found GREAT Web site called "Everyblock Chicago". Not only does it list general neighborhood information, such as business licenses granted, crimes committed, and real estate transfers, but it also lists the results of neighborhood restaurant inspections, including what violations occured, to what degree, and the seriousness of the violation (minor, serious, critical). I'm sad to say, though, that the restaurants that seem the dirtiest are passing, while the clean ones I like to eat at have sometimes failed. Disturbing. Bad for phobia.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

After Thanksgiving, I couldn't eat, even though I wanted to. The thought of food made me lose my appetite. On Friday, I went back to my Baba's and confessed to her that I couldn't eat. I told her that I felt like I was about to feint and she said that if it didn't go away by Monday, then I should go to the doctor. I was completely freaking out because I couldn't stop feeling weak. Baba was calm the entire time I was telling her all of this, and kept telling me to just keep eating. She wasn't upset by the news, didn't tell me I was crazy, didn't get hysterical, didn't yell at me--nothing. She just acted like I was completely normal, and remained unphased. That's why she's so great. That's why she doesn't have anxiety. She accepts everything as it happens and then reacts with rational action instead of emotion. She always says that yelling doesn't help--the same words are said whether you yell them or say them, and saying them is better because you don't give yourself stress. And she says that worrying doesn't help because the same thing is happening whether you worry about it or not, so why give yourself stress when it doesn't help.

My husband was with me at my Baba's and he was telling me to keep eating too, and also that I should go to the doctor on Monday if the weakness wasn't gone by then. But I felt so bad all the time, that I kept asking them to take me to the hospital for an IV. I, who can not handle any medical procedure without major mental preparation and avoidance strategies, was asking to go to the hospital and have someone stick a needle in my arm. They both said it wasn't necessary, and after a while I stopped arguing, because I secretly hoped that they were right, and by agreeing with then felt that I could will it so.

I've felt weak before, during my last few months at Iowa, when I was anemic, but this weakness was worse because it didn't get better with food. I was constantly feeling like I was about to get dizzy and nothing helped, not lying down, not eating, not drinking water. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but thought that the lack of food for the past several months, could have left me malnourished. I thought the malnourishment should be eased with more food, but it wasn't working, especially since I could hardly force myself to eat an adult-portion of potatoe dumplings that I asked her to make for me. I thought that I might be worse this time because the malnourishment was combined with Anemia, and so Saturday I asked Baba to make me Beef Stew so that I could get a massive infusion of iron. Then I worried that I would send my body into shock.

On Monday I went to the doctor, and started to tell him what happened to me when he interrupted and said, "Svitlana, you have Generalized Anxiety Disorder." I didn't even get to the part where I tried to eat but kept losing my appetite. I was in shock that the doctor could diagnose me without even knowing that it took me an hour and a half to get through 6 potato dumplings. But, he had been my doctor for a few years now and had received many of my after-hours phone calls asking if I had some illness and if I should come into the office first thing in the morning, so I guess he knew me. "But are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"But do you think I have malnourousment?" I asked.

"Probably not."

"But I feel weak all the time and nothing makes it go away."

"That's from the anxiety."


And thus the conversation went on for a while in this way. He thought that the best thing for me was to try an anti-anxiety medication, and I didn't want to take it. I told him that I hate medicines, even before you add the fact that I am afraid of taking medications because I am afraid of side effects. He said in a very serious tone, that this was what I really needed to do. "Do you REALLY think so?" I asked him.

"Yes, I really do," he replied.

And with that I realized that I had to do it. None of the non-chemical remedies had worked, and I was so weak that I was willing to do anything to feel better again, even though I never wanted to be one of those people who had to take pills. The doctor told me that he recommended Lexapro because it was known as the medicine which had a low incidence of side-effects, and that the effects that one could have were very mild. He even showed me the PDR and compared it's side effects to those of a placebo. Once I saw that none of the most common side-effects was vomiting, I decided that I could try it. He said to start the sample pack that day, and to call him if I got a headache. I left the office knowing that I wouldn't take it that day, but that I would try to take it, after I emotionally prepared myself to not fear the side effects, and to become a person who has taken a pill to treat her anxiety.